A Mommy’s Diary

Okay, so I don’t get it. I keep seeing infomercials and getting junk in my inbox about free US Grant $$. If the government has all this money sitting around why are our schools suffering and why don’t more of our kids have health insurance? Why is our gas so high and why is the cost of goods inflating? AND, with all the money the US gov’t is using to bail out companies who were way too risky with thier investments how is there is any FREE $$ left over for the rest of us?

I am so glad the weekend is almost over. I have been filling my schedule with too much and now I have classes to start tomorrow. I loved my summer off but I have been ready to get back into the homework routine again. However, what I forgot was how chained I become to the house and to my homework. I am so used to running around free that I have to force myself into a mindset of work again. I have so much I want to fit into this month and already I am worried about getting all my school work done because between church and Gabby’s rehearsles I may end up having a nervous breakdown. So, today I say good-bye to sleep and the ability to form enough words to make a sentence after 5pm everyday. I say good-bye to having nothing to do after the kids go to bed. I say good-bye to saying yes to so many of those afternoon/evening weekend get-togethers have enjoyed so much this summer. 

For a brief 3 months I got to taste the freedom of being able to do what I want when I want with the kids. And they are at such a fun age! No sports, lessons, or anything. Now with school (for all of us) we are already in full swing. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken the summer off from classes. Maybe I should have kept that one thing to keep me stable. Maybe a good bungee jump or sky dive would release all this tension…..

Have you ever felt so passionately about something but at the same time left to wonder if your way is the right way? Have you ever seen something that doesn’t make sense only to ask yourself if it is in God’s will? I will proclaim and proclaim that excellence and perfection in my Lord, my Father in Heaven, and my Jesus. However, His will is so very hard to see sometimes…..and there are days when I do not like to go through the refining fires because it might just prove that I am wrong and I simply do not have enough faith.

My list:

• Clean my car….well I kind of straightened it up and then the kids tornadoed their way through.
• Get the kid’s rooms “mommy clean”
• Go through thier clothes
• Take the big pile of “stuff” on my second floor to Hope Ministry
• Clean the house (at least twice)
• Get Kyle to his doctor appointment Tuesday (rescheduled)
• Go to the pool two times.
• Go to TWO school open houses
• Finish the cross-stitch (whatever)
• Go to meetings (probably just one of the two) (nope)
• Couple’s event at Okoboji Grill Sunday
• Church (no counting…yeah!)
• Races with the hubby
• Return movies we rented

I think I did pretty good myself. I also went grocery shopping, to the movies once, and did laundry once…doing it again today.

The kids went off to school this morning. When Steven left my husband said:

“Did our 7th grader just walk out the door?”

“yup”, I replied.

“Can you believe we have a 7th grader?” He asked.

No, I can’t. I can’t believe that at this time 12 years ago he was small enough to fit into my belly. I am amazed at where the time goes realizing that we are more than half-way through his years with us. I also can’t believe that my husband made any note of it. He usually doesn’t ponder those kinds of things. In fact, he is doing his countdown to when we can kick the kids out of the house. This little pondering moment he had was very impressive to me.

So in my friend’s blog, Just a Glimpse, she has made a list of things she would like to get done this week before she goes back to school. It made me think that maybe I should make a list of things I would like to get done before next Thursday:

• Clean my car
• Get the kid’s rooms “mommy clean”
• Go through thier clothes
• Take the big pile of “stuff” on my second floor to Hope Ministry
• Clean the house
• Get Kyle to his doctor appointment Tuesday
• Go to the pool two times.
• Go to TWO school open houses
• Finish the cross-stitch
• Go to meetings (probably just one of the two)
• Couple’s event at Okoboji Grill Sunday
• Church (no counting…yeah!)
• Races with the hubby
• Return movies we rented

I actually think this is do-able and not nearly as long as my friends’. The kids are going camping with thier grandparents starting tomorrow so I should be able to get lots of it done. However, I have found that when the kids aren’t around my motivation to do anything at all goes to the wayside. I do not need to finish my cross-stitch over the next week but I would like to finish it by the end of the month. I won’t be able to work on it once I start classes again. This is what I get for waiting all summer to finish what I started.  I will post pictures when I am finished. It is very pretty.

Another problem I am having is with my little guy. He is ADHD and we are discovering that he has HUGE anxieties about doing new things or things that are not in his schedule. I have to send him kicking to a lot of things and it’s tiring but once he is there he usually enjoys himself. He really doesn’t want to go camping with his grandparents this weekend because he has had a tough time camping in the past but I really want to set him up for success. I talked to my mother-in-law about it and she is really wanting him to come and she has assured me that she will do everything she can to help him have a great time but that is no comfort to him.  I am going to feel so bad if I send him with them and he is crying as he gets into the car.  I would have no problem keeping him home with us this weekend but I also don’t want him to get used to throwing fits and getting his way. I have to keep the balance there and it is tough. You should have seen how hard it was to get him to go Trick-or-Treating last  year and these are things that he should want to do! Camping with grandma and grandpa, sister and brother, and his cousins should be exciting for him and I know he is dreading it. Everything leading to him getting there is going to break my heart and when is it okay to give in?

I had a beautiful day. I went with my friends for a day at the “spa”. I got to laugh, giggle, relax, breath, sit in silence. tear up a bit, and laugh some more. Then I met my husband and kids at my parent’s house for a family get together. There I laughed some more, ate too much, and got to spend time with my mom, dad, sisters, nieces, kids, and hubby. THEN, we went bowling with the boys. Cheap night at the ally because of the fair and I lost miserably. I am an awful bowler. I topped off my evening talking to a long lost cousin and working on a special project.

So, now I go to bed with pretty toes and a still full belly, a smile on my face and a tired that brings me to my pillow with great joy. This was a beautiful day.

School is coming. I don’t know if my kids know whether they are excited to beging again or sad that the summer is so quickly coming to an end. The summer has flown by so fast. Days at the pool, with friends, at the library, or doing anything else seem to never stop. Now that school is two short weeks away I find myself wanting to cram as much as possible to end our time together, which has been beautiful.

So, you will find us at the pool, the fair, the Capital Building, the movies, friend’s houses, firework shows, and music festivals/concerts over the next two weeks. You will find me immersed in committe meetings and another special project when I am not playing tour guide to the kids over the next two weeks.

Then school will be here and the summer will seem like a whisper of memories that happened long ago but most definately not just recently. Why does time do that? This has been my favorite summer and I feel like it is being taken away from me. Do the kids know how much I truly enjoyed being with them this summer? Do they know how much thier laughter and spending time with them has meant to me?

I will be the first to admit that I enjoy watching the kids grow. I do not morn thier growth and I look forward to walking through this life with them and seeing thier adventures begin. Each stage of thier lives have brought me joy, even if it was through the annoying pain that comes with growth. I just pray, really pray, that I am taking care of these gifts that God has given me the way He had intended. I hope I am doing my job well. The time is just moving so quickly; more quickly it seems every year.

The water park was fun. I have discovered that i should never do that and then have to work the next day. But we got to laugh, play in the water, and hang out with friends and tonight marks the downward spiral to summer quickly drawing to a close.  I am so happy that I took the summer off of school so I could enjoy the kids without the stress of meeting deadlines and such. I am happy I took this new job because I love what I am doing. I am actually sitting here needing to go to bed but feeling so peacefully blessed at the same time. I am chatting with my cousins who I haven’t seen for a while and excited to see him again soon. I am amazed at what a small world it is and how big and beautiful God is.

And then tomorrow is the 10th wedding anniversary.  How can you explain or describe this kind of love; the kind I have for him? I don’t think I could.  It is a feeling that is undescribable, if that is a word or if I used it right. Out of all the blessings in my life much of my joy comes from my husband. Again, I pause in my mind….although you can’t see it on paper….as I try to find words and they aren’t coming. I guess I truly am a morning writer

Smiles. Smiles are what will fill my mind as i think of this summer. The kids’ smiles, my husband’s smiles, my friend’s smiles, my family’s smiles, and more. Laughter, fun, games, water, sun, freedom, and humdity (had to throw that in). I am blessed.